7:54am- the last time you kissed me goodbye
12:23pm the last time you told me you were leaving work early
1:23pm the last time you pulled up our driveway
1:26pm the last time we said I love you
3:16pm the last time you opened the back door to let Jax out
3:27pm the last time you let Jax in and gave him a treat
5:01pm the last picture you took of the bookshelf... why? was that a clue?
6:03pm my first phone call to you
7:52pm my last phone call to you
7:56pm I pulled up the driveway
7:58pm The last time I was upset with you for not bringing the garbage cans inside when you got home
8:06pm Two police cars pull up our driveway
8:07pm I called my brother
8:09pm I called your mom
8:11pm the police needed my identification
Your mom called back. KJ called back. Bre called back
The police were questioning me and swabbing my hands
The rest of the night I don't know the numbers.
But I know this:
I heard your mom scream "NO" once when your brother told her you were gone. That voice still haunts me.
Two paramedics sat with me in the pouring rain
My brother was the third person there for me that night
Four detectives were at our home. Questioning me, asking me for all our information.
Five. Five hours I stayed at that house until my brother took me back to his.
Infinite, the amount of times I paced up and down our driveway saying what the fuck is going on? What the fuck. What the fuck?
$19.08 The final amount you paid at the liquor store that day.
2 bottles of rum I found hidden in your desk.
7 pieces of masking tape with your last thoughts
3 texts that said I love you
1 text to me
1 text to your mom
35, the number of days I was at a recovery center.
3, the number of final notes I found from you on your phone to me in September
1:26, 3:17, 5:01, 7:56, 8:06, 8:11,
6/10/19, 11/11/88, 9/30/2018, 10/28/2015, 8/5/2017, 9/28/2018, 2/14, 3/14, 12/24, 12/25, 12/31.
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