I’m in Rhode Island for the week. It’s the same week we’d come every year. This year, I brought Court‘s ashes to spread in certain places we loved. It’s been bittersweet at most. I still see her here. Sitting on the deck, at the beach, while I’m out clamming. It’s hard but I’m grateful for the memories I have. She’s in a few places in Rhode Island. Places that meant a lot to us. all I know is I will forever carry her with me... she’s everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I just want to keep her memory alive.
7/23
I set you free in the ocean today
But your ashes sat and starred.
There was nothing more I wanted to see
Than for you to be standing there.
That’s the way you left me.
You left with no regard
The hole that you left in my heart is a hole that will forever be scared.
I’ve placed you at rest.
And watched you float away.
But why did you sit there starring at me today?
What did you have to say?
I watched the tide come in and out
You sat there starring still.
Was there a lesson I was supposed to learn as I set you free on the shore?
The ocean comes and goes.
The water ebbs and flows.
You can go anywhere you want...
To Greece or to australia
The Netherlands and beyond
But you sat there and stared,
Not wanting to go on.
Are you happy?
are you free?
Don’t get me wrong,
I’m glad that you sat with me.
But that is just dust.
It’s not love
And it’s not you.
The grey ash that they tell me is all i have left of you.
It’s fake
It’s a lie
This crazy dream I have inside.
A dream where you’re taken away
Never to return.
Never to be here,
A dream where you are never truly near.
Are you at peace?
Are you happy or sad?
Do you dream of the life we could have had?
I sit and I wait for you to return
But, how long can a heart hold onto that hurt?
You left so abruptly
I’m bitter and I’m sad.
I DO think of life
The life we could have had.
Now my life is not parallel,
It no longer flows
I only have the voice of you speaking the sound of your very last words.
“I love you” you said
Waiting for me to respond.
I was anxious and stressed.
“Love you too” I said
That was it under bated breath.
I hate those last words.
I wish I could turn back time and I knew.
I wish I knew it was the last time I’d be talking to you.
I wish that I knew.
I wish you were here.
That conversation haunts me.
It’s aways ringing in my ear.
I’m sorry I failed you.
My love, I truly am.
I would do anything to see you
To just hold your hand.
I hope that you’re resting at peace tonight
Knowing that our love is never out of sight.
It hurts.
I hurt.
I miss you so bad.
I just hope that you’re here with me
Waking with me,
Guiding me,
Holding my hand.
Maybe that’s what you were saying
Today by the shore,
That even though you’re gone
Our love will continue to soar.
I hope that you see me
That your happy and proud...
Of the things I have accomplished
Of the things I’ve had to do.
All of the things I’ve done.
The decisions I’ve hade to make
All the decisions without you.
I hate that you’re missing.
Though your spirits alive.
I miss the life I had.
The life with you by my side.
I hate that I’m not sharing my life
With the woman that I adore.
My love, what I’d do for just one moment more.
Rest easy tonight.
The moon is aglow
Continue your journey
Let our love ebb and flow.
Comments