It’s Thanksgiving. 5 years ago today you met my family for the first time. Thanksgiving 2015, my first holiday without my dad. You drove from Massachusetts to CT to be with me. You met my aunts for the first time. You walked in the door as I was making martinis and you asked what I was making I replied “don‘t worry, it’s deliociousssss.” (and it was). 5 years ago you brought your light into this home. Rose and I sat tonight drinking my famous “don’t worry it’s delicious“ martinis aka salted caramel chocolate martini 2020 edition. She told me about your light, the light she saw that night. When I say “Courtney’s light” it’s real. Your light shines through your memory.
Yesterday, I went to my POD. The box I packed our life into. As I opened the door I was hit in the face with the smell of our home and then went through box after box of memories. I stood in a container crying. Feeling you, loving you, missing you and reminiscing on the memories that were contained in those four walls. I remember that Thanksgiving like it was yesterday. When we got back to my moms house and I told her, her turkey was dry AF. The way you’d tell the story of me slapping Boulder on the ass in the kitchen and him looking at you all like put this bitch to bed and the memory of you holding me as I cried that night missing my dad.
You brought out the best in me. You let your light shine and that light has changed my life. I’m not grateful for losing you but, I’m grateful to carry you with me every day and I’m grateful to top and reflect on you in certain moments- to think of you and how you‘d respond to certain situations. Cheers to you. To thanksgiving 2015, the holiday that changed my life. The holiday where you’re showed my family and my support system that your were my everything. I still see you sitting at the table. Laughing, loving, being you. Thank you, my love. I will ALWAYS be grateful for you. Tonight when I lay down to go to bed, I will hold you in my heart the same way you held me in your arms 5 years ago. If I shed a tear it’s because I love you, I miss you and I’m so incredibly grateful for you.
Court, your light surrounded you every day, that light continues to shine and I’m so grateful for all of those people in our lives that saw you, that loved you and for those who continue to let it shine. Love you more, most, more than most and even more than that.
Happy Thanksgiving, my love.
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